Joey's Journal
by cathlamberti
Summary: Joey recounts her summer with Pacey, starting from the last episode of Season 3 - True Love.
1. Chapter 1

Day One

I can't believe that I had the courage to do what I have done. For once I have taken the risky route and opened my life up to adventure. I feel unexpectedly free.

I watched the shore disappear slowly from view with some uncertainty as to my decision. The 'what ifs' were coming rapidly and I suddenly thought 'three months, alone, what was I thinking'. But as the evening turns to night, the pressure on my heart lifts. The open ocean eases my anxiety with its cool, calm breeze and the scintillating stars are like a promise of a life only dreamed of.

I have always loved the ocean, the movement of the water comforts me, the salty smell fills me with excitement. But the peace out here, away from everything and everyone is something I will never forget, always yearn for. After these last few weeks I am astounded that I have found peace, both physical quiet and mental relief.

I am happy. I no longer need to keep looking over my shoulder in that asphyxiating town. I can breathe deeply, relax and enjoy these beautiful summer days that are hopefully here to stay.

We are going to have to buy another hammock as he did not prepare a 'guest room' for unexpected visitors. But he has gallantly offered me his for the moment. He says he won't be able to sleep anyway, in case I disappear into the night. He wants to watch over me. I get goose bumps just writing it.

I have never felt so loved and safe.

The problems of the past have been left behind, like my home and my responsibilities. My sister is going to kill me! I'll just have to stay at sea forever.

He's dropped the anchor for the night and is coming down to check on me. I feel so warm inside.

Goodnight scrap paper journal. I have a feeling my life of adventures has just begun.

Day Two

I awoke from the deepest sleep I can remember. I felt like the weight of the world, that I have been carrying around lately, had been lifted and that I could just be myself again. I lay there, eyes closed, listening to the sound of the water against the boat, lulling me back to sleep when I felt the most tender of kisses on my forehead and the deep whisper of a 'morning'.

I opened my eyes to the biggest smile I have ever seen. My heart was racing as the realisation of my whereabouts dawned on me. My smile matched his and we couldn't stop until our faces ached with the pain of complete joy. I really wish he had a camera onboard, but I will have to immortalise these precious moments with my pen.

The whole day has been like a dream, the open sea, the wind in my hair and the feeling of the salt on my skin from the spray. We've hardly talked. I think we're both still in shock that I am really here. But he holds me in his arms at the helm of his ship (well not quite a ship), and I don't ever want to have to be anywhere else again. I feel like I have finally found home, something that has been completely lost since Mum died.

He caught a fish today. I think they'll be our staple diet for the next few months. He continues to amaze me with his talents, good humour and love for life. He prepared the fish and cooked it well, but we could do with some herbs or it might get a bit monotonous. We're having to share the fork for now but it doesn't seem to be a problem. He insisted on feeding me, which I thought would make me feel uncomfortable, but he turned it into a silly game as usual.

I did have a moment of thought for my 'friend' back home, if I can still call him that. I wondered what he was doing without me. But it's not like we've never been apart before. He left me alone all last summer! I don't want to think about September, I'm going to focus on the now.

My heart aches with happiness and love. How long can we manage without needing to go to shore? He has found me a long vest top of his to wear at night. It was that or a flowery shirt. It hardly touches my thighs and I expected some cheeky comment when I came out of the bathroom. But he surprised me with a look that sends shivers down my spine. I can only describe it as a longing. He said I looked sexy and I was speechless, me! All I could manage was another ear to ear grin that is starting to become permanently plastered to my face.

I'm finding it increasingly hard to write as a certain someone is tickling my toes… Goodnight

Day Three

This morning kiss has moved from my forehead to my temple. Apart from the continuous hugging, when the boat does not require our attention, we've been playing it cool. I think we both know how quickly things could move and just how far we might go if we don't start slowly. On the shore there were always interruptions, time constraints and the difficulty of finding a quiet place to limit us. Now that all of these are no longer there we are being careful. I have such strong feelings for him that I cannot trust myself yet. But we have all summer, just the two of us to explore.

Still no sign of a convenient place to stop for supplies. But seen as the only supplies needed at present are clothing for me and a second hammock I think he's enjoying himself in telling me so. I searched through his clothes today and found a red floral shirt and a belt that I have managed to turn into a make shift dress, until my clothes dry from being washed. Obviously the shirt doesn't cover much of my long legs and he has gone and hung my wet clothes up high with the sails so that I can't reach them. He says they will dry quicker up there, but the way he keeps staring at my lower half makes me think I won't be getting them back anytime soon.

I cooked pasta for him tonight, and fish of course. We were both so hungry. It must be all the fresh air we are getting. I tried to eat with a spoon but the pasta kept slipping off. He laughed so hard I started eating with my fingers. He joked that he wouldn't be able to take me anywhere if I ate like that in public.

It got me thinking that we have never been on a date together as a couple. Not a restaurant, a cinema or just a quiet walk. The little time we have had so far we have been sneaking around and hiding from everyone. Now everything has changed. Growing up I always thought that you weren't really dating someone unless they took you on dates; that the only way to get to know someone in a romantic way was face to face over dinner in a classy restaurant. How wrong I was. I have known him all my life and yet I am just getting to know him. I can't think of a more beautiful setting than the ocean, the starlit sky and 'True Love'.


	2. Chapter 2

Day Four

We finally found a convenient port today and I stepped onto solid ground once again. It feels strange being around other people, even if only to buy supplies. We are in Vineyard Haven Harbor and the whole island is beautiful, very green and everything seems to be linked to the ocean which I love. We sailed in through the wide harbour mouth. West Chop lighthouse to our right, a small white tower of a building with a black top and white, red roofed buildings surrounding it. On our left was East Chop lighthouse, very similar in appearance but standing alone in a garden of green, large smooth stones along the shore. We are going to sail back out at night just to see their lights shining. After being at sea for a few days I can understand the hope that they often picture. Am I starting to get soppy?

We sold some fish at the Net Result fish market and even though it was lunch time I passed up the opportunity for sushi, and stuck to the staple hotdog and salad. My captain, so he likes to call himself, made no such objection and now smells like he's been working with fish his whole life. I joked I wouldn't kiss him unless he brushed his teeth, upon which he immediately went and bought a toothbrush (we did need one anyway).

From selling the fish we made enough for me to buy some clothes. We settled on a red bikini, some denim shorts and a couple of summer tops. We being the operative word as he was very involved in choosing what I was to wear. I've never spent so long clothes shopping, I felt like a real girl!

One of the best parts of the day was having a real shower at the marina services, putting on some clean clothes and going out for a drink. We found a nice quiet place called the Pilot House. It reminds me very much of the Ice House, simple bar and tall wooden chairs, but with a blue trim counter and waiting staff that actually seem to enjoy their job. We sipped and talked until the sun had long gone and the stars lit our way back to True Love.

Day Five

I came to this morning wondering where I was, but when I felt his strong protective arms around me I knew I was home, the home we have made for ourselves on this weekend cruiser. But as I slowly awoke I realised that he had bunked up with me. If he thought he was going to pull a fast one on me, after not finding a hammock yesterday, then he was very much mistaken. A glass of cold water over his sleeping head soon found reason. Even though I was furious I couldn't help laughing at his surprised and shocked expression. He said he was only protecting me seen as we were docked and anyone could carry me off into the night. I said guard dogs don't sleep in the bed, especially when they drool, which he took offense to and stormed off. Note to self: he needs waking gently or is prone to ill humour.

After having freshened up I stepped out for a walk around the marina to clear my head. I found him sitting next to a sign for the Mink Meadows golf course and he politely asked whether I would like to play a round. I asked if he would trust me with a golf club within striking distance of him after this morning and recalled our last golfing adventure when we all ended up in jail. Then he apologised once again for that night, as if he hasn't done it enough already. He said he had been frustrated at the thought that he could never be with me and so we just held each other, a look being all that was needed to soothe heartaches of the past and forgive more recent quarrels.

The rest of the day has been spent preparing for departure. We have filled up with drinking water and other supplies and are ready to leave the harbour, which we will do as soon as the sun goes down. It may not be the most practical way to leave, but it is romantic to be guided by the stars.

I have never felt so sure about running away this summer. I have everything that I could possibly need: a basic, but comfortable home; a summer of possibilities and exploration; and the love of the person I cannot live without.


End file.
